9 tanda anda dan pasangan punyai keserasian

bicara soal keserasian berumahtangga

Anda mempunyai seseorang yang anda telah kenali dan anda dapati dia seorang yang sempurna bagi diri anda? Sekurang-kurangnya peribadi si dia di atas kertas. Anda rasakan anda dan si dia punya chemistry yang kuat. Anda rasa anda mempunyai keserasian apabila bersama dengan dirinya. Anda rasakan berbual dengan si dia seperti berbual dengan kenalan lama. Anda rasakan umpama terawang-awang apabila berbual dengan si dia, dan anda dapat merasakan ‘butterflies in the stomach’ bila bersama dengannya.

Akan tetapi, bagaimana anda dapat pastikan yang si dia memang benar-benar untuk diri anda? Pakar dalam perhubungan sering menekankan, keserasian adalah kunci utama untuk satu perhubungan yang berjaya untuk kekal dalam tempoh yang lama. Dan keserasian itu tidak sama dengan maksud ‘chemistry’ tadi.

Jadi, bagaimana anda dapat mengetahui yang anda dan si dia adalah dua individu yang serasi? Baca artikel ini dengan lebih lanjut;

1) Anda mempunyai minat yang sama
Sifat yang bertentangan yang ada dalam diri anda dan si dia mungkin punya daya tarikan tersendiri. Tetapi jika anda berdua mempunyai minat yang sama mungkin dapat membantu anda dan si dia menjadi lebih rapat dan lebih intim bersama. Perkongsian minat yang sama mungkin dapat membantu anda berdua berhubung dengan cara yang lebih menarik, dapat mengurangkan konflik dan dapat dijadikan topik perbualan yang menarik. Tambahan, sekiranya anda minat memasak dan dia juga mempunyai minat yang sama, bukankah ini menjadi aktiviti yang lebih menarik dengan memasak bersama di dapur? Di laman web cari jodoh kami TemanHidupku., anda boleh masukkan ciri-ciri atau tentang minat anda di ruangan keterangan tentang diri anda. Ini dapat membantu mereka yang ingin berkenalan dengan anda dapat mengetahui minat anda dan mungkin ianya ada persamaan dengan diri mereka.

2) K untuk Komunikasi
Adakah si dia orang pertama yang anda ingin bercakap apabila anda menempuhi sesuatu insiden yang signifikan dalam hidup anda? Adakah anda berkongsi setiap rutin hidup anda dengan si dia, walau pun apa yang anda lakukan adalah satu rutin yang bosan dan biasa? Apakah anda merasakan perbualan dengan si dia adalah sesuatu yang tidak perlu dirancang? Sesuatu yang dilakukan secara spontan dan bersahaja? Apakah anda juga berasa gembira dapat mendengar kisah dan celoteh dari si dia?
Jika anda menjawab Ya pada semua soalan tadi (atau kebanyakan daripada semua), tahniah! Anda dan si dia pasti pasangan yang serasi. Jika si dia juga meluangkan banyak masa bersama anda, berasa selesa berkomunikasi dengan anda, sudah pasti anda juga mempunyai tempat yang utama dalam hidupnya. Itu bermakna, diri anda wujud dalam setiap pertimbangan dalam hati dan perasaan si dia.

3) Anda mempunyai sistem nilai dan impian yang sama
Mempunyai sistem nilai yang hampir serupa adalah satu batu asas yang sangat penting dalam perhubungan yang kukuh. Tidak kira jika ianya berkaitan dengan keluarga, keibubapaan, anak-anak, perihal sosial, agama dan kewangan, apakah anda berdua berkongsi pandangan yang sama mengenainya? Memang kita tak boleh mengharapkan setiap pandangan itu harus 100% sama, tetapi sekurang-kurangnya anda berdua boleh bersetuju secara dasar untuk membuat keputusan mengenainya. Di laman web cari jodoh kami, kami menganjurkan anda bertanyakan soalan-soalan mengenai secara terus kepada prospek kenalan yang anda berhubung di TemanHidupku. Beri perhatian kepada jawapan-jawapan yang diutarakan oleh mereka untuk anda bandingkan dengan pandangan anda sendiri.

4) Anda tidak takut untuk menunjukkan antara satu sama lain diri anda yang sebenarnya
Semua orang membawakan diri mereka yang “sempurna” kepada orang lain apabila mengenali satu sama lain. Tetapi, jika anda telah bercakap untuk seketika dan anda merasa cukup selesa untuk menunjukkan diri anda sebenar, itu bermakna terdapat sambungan yang lebih mendalam. Mempunyai mereka menghargai siapa sebenarnya anda adalah cara terbaik untuk mengenali seseorang.

5) Anda menerima satu sama lain
Bercakap tentang diri anda, keserasian sebenar adalah apabila anda menerima satu sama lain untuk siapa anda, aneka ragam anda, kelemahan anda dan segala-galanya. Tidak adil untuk mengharapkan seseorang berubah di masa depan hanya kerana itu bukan orang yang anda jatuh cinta di tempat pertama. Satu clue untuk anda; orang tidak pernah berubah selepas perkahwinan, tidak kira betapa kerasnya anda cuba.

6) Anda membawa yang terbaik dalam satu sama lain
Adakah dia membuat anda mahu menjadi versi terbaik bagi diri anda? Adakah mereka menjadi ‘Yin’ untuk ‘Yang’ anda? Mungkin anda selalu menjadi orang yang gelabah dan gabra tetapi apabila bersama dengan dirinya, anda jadi bersemangat dan berkeyakinan. Mungkin anda telah membantu mereka melupakan episod masa lalu yang sukar dan maju ke hadapan. Atau pun anda dan si dia dapat membuatkan diri masing-masing bergelak ketawa seperti tiada esoknya. Ingat, orang yang serasi melengkapi antara satu sama lain dengan indah. Adakah bunyi ini seperti diri anda berdua?

7) Anda boleh membayangkan satu masa depan yang sama bersama
Kadang kala dalam menilai sesuatu perhubungan, intuisi adalah aset yang paling berharga dalam menilai keserasian diri anda dengan si dia. Dapatkah anda membayangkan satu detik di mana anda dan si dia hidup bersama pada masa hadapan? Dan yang lebih penting, adakah anda berdua gembira bersama dan redha antara satu sama lain dalam satu kehidupan bersama? Jika anda dapat melihat bayangan kemungkinan kehidupan ini bersama dengannya, mungkin ini satu petanda yang anda dan si dia mempunyai satu hubungan yang istimewa, melewati batas persahabatan dan chemistry.

8) Anda menyelesaikan perselisihan dengan hormat
Semua orang takkan bersetuju dan mempunyai pendapat yang sama dengan diri anda pada setiap masa, tetapi perbezaan antara hujah yang sihat dan tidak sihat adalah bagaimana anda menyelesaikannya perselisihan ini. Jika anda menghormati si dia walaupun anda berdebat dan cuba memahami pandangan si dia dan sebaliknya, ia adalah perbualan yang sihat. Pada penghujung hari, adakah anda menyelesaikannya dan keluar lebih kuat dari sebelumnya atau adakah anda hanya menyapu di bawah permaidani dengan harapan ianya akan hilang? Pada tahap awal ini, perselisihan pendapat itu adalah sihat. Tetapi apa yang lebih baik, bagaimana anda berdua mengendalikannya. Ini memberi anda gambaran awal dalam kehidupan berkahwin, apabila timbul masalah yang lebih serius.

9) Anda lupa bahawa anda bertemu si dia melalui online
Selalunya sukar untuk merasa dekat dengan seseorang yang anda jumpai dalam talian berbanding dengan seseorang dari kehidupan “sebenar”. Walau bagaimanapun, jika ia merasa tidak mudah, seperti yang anda kenal dengannya selama bertahun-tahun dan mereka sesuai dengan kehidupan sebenar anda, ini bermakna anda telah saling berikat dengan satu sama lain. Mungkin lebih baik jika anda berdua mengenali satu sama lain melalui laman web TemanHidupku, kan?

How Young Muslims Define ‘Halal Dating’ For Themselves

website Muslim dating cari jodoh TemanHidupku

When 18-year-old Nermeen Ileiwat first began college, she could not wait to get into a relationship — maybe even get engaged before graduation. But after one year, the rising sophomore realized she had no idea what she wanted out of life and was in no position to get into a relationship.

That decision didn’t last long. Only a few months after, Ileiwat met someone at a party, and their friendship quickly turned into something more.

However, dating was not that simple for the now 21-year-olds who are Muslim. They have religious restrictions that limit physical contact in premarital relationships. They chose to focus more on developing their emotional intimacy, with the occasional hug or kiss. Out of respect for their religious beliefs, Ileiwat and her boyfriend decided not to engage in any advanced sexual activity until they’re married.

For young couples like them, the idea of dating is common, and it means balancing their religious views with their desire for emotional intimacy. But the term “dating” still invites an offensive suggestion for many Muslims, especially older ones, irrespective of how innocent the relationship may be. Dating is still linked to its Western origins, which implies underlying expectations of sexual interactions — if not an outright premarital sexual relationship — which Islamic texts prohibit.

But Islam does not forbid love.

Ismail Menk, a renowned Islamic scholar, argues in one of his lectures that love, within boundaries and with expectations of marriage, is an accepted fact of life and religion — if done the right way. This “right way,” he says, is by involving the families from an early stage.

Before the rise of a Western cultural influence, finding a spouse was a task almost solely assigned to parents or relatives. But young Muslims have now taken it upon themselves to find their partners, relying on their own version of dating to do so. Older Muslims continue to reject dating because they worry that a Western world will also create Western expectations of premarital sex in these relationships.

Adam Hodges, a former sociolinguistics professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Qatar, argues there is an added layer of culture and context to the term “dating” that is often overlooked. “We use language to give meaning to the world around us. So the way that we label events or phenomena, such as dating, is definitely going to provide a certain perspective on what that means for us,” he says. Therefore, taking on the dating vernacular to describe their relationship and labeling their significant other as “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” does put some couples at risk of falling into the physical expectations that come with dating, Hodges says. But, he adds, these fears can be allayed because “the most important connotation that is borrowed is the ability to choose your own mate,” which is also the main precept of dating in the West.

One way that some young Muslim couples are rebutting the idea of dating being offensive is by terming it “halal dating.” Halal refers to something permissible within Islam. By adding the permissibility factor, some young couples argue, they are removing the idea that anything haram, or prohibited, such as premarital sex, is happening in the relationship.

On the other hand, some young couples believe there should be no stigma attached to dating and, therefore, reject the idea of calling it halal. “My justification is that we are dating with the intention of one day being married and, I guess, that’s what makes it OK,” Ileiwat says.

Khalil Jessa, founder of Salaam Swipe, a dating app that caters to young Muslims, also believes that the negative associations attached to dating depend on the particular society. “This conception that dating necessarily implies physical touching is an assumption that people are making. When they take the word dating, they’re adding this connotation to it, and I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. It’s up to each individual and each couple to choose how they wish to interact with one another,” Jessa argues.

Getting to know someone and making the informed decision to marry them is not an alien concept in Islamic societies. Abdullah Al-Arian, a history professor at Georgetown University School of Foreign Service in Qatar, says that the idea of courtship has been present in Muslim societies for centuries but was subdued in colonial times. When the British and the rest of Europe colonized much of the world, they also placed social restrictions on sexual interactions between unmarried couples, Arian says. These social restrictions also took hold in certain Islamic societies, with religious restrictions on sex leading some to go as far as segregating the genders as much as possible, including in schools, universities and even at social gatherings.

These practices began to disintegrate as women started entering the workforce, demanding their rights for universal education and pursuing higher education, Arian says. Segregating because of religious dogma became harder. And so, as the genders mixed, dating relationships also took root in some societies. This, he says, further facilitated the imitation of Western relationships.

Changing ideas about modernity, widespread urbanization and the West’s cultural hegemony influenced something as intimate and personal as relationships, Arian says. But the most influential factor is globalization. “We’ve seen the full impact of globalization … in pop culture, in particular. Western cultural productions: music, film, television shows,” he says. These “shared experiences,” as he calls them, have given birth to third-culture kids. These multicultural generations are growing up with a “very different moral compass that is rooted in a number of influences; and not just the local, but the global as well,” Arian says.

Before social media and the prevalence of pop culture, it was a lot easier to enforce whatever ideologies you wanted your child to follow. But as globalization increased, this changed. Young people became increasingly exposed to the rest of the world. Today, their ideologies and values no longer find a basis in what their priest or imam preaches but in what social media and pop culture influencers might be saying and doing.

Then there’s the limitless online world.

Dating apps and websites that cater to young Muslims looking for meaningful long-term relationships are easy to find. Muzmatch, a dating app launched two years ago, has 135,000 people signed up. Other apps, like Salaam Swipe and Minder, report high success rates for young Muslims who previously had a hard time finding a partner.

These apps allow people to filter their searches based on level of religiosity, the kind of relationship they’re looking for and other aspects such as whether the woman wears a headscarf and the man sports a beard.

While the men behind these apps launched them with the hope of giving young Muslims a positive platform to interact on, they say there are still many in their societies that oppose the idea of young couples interacting.

Haroon Mokhtarzada, founder of Minder, says that a lot of this disapproval stems more from the fear of people in their communities gossiping than it does from the actual interaction the couples have. “There’s this general concern that people are going to talk. So I don’t think it’s the parents who are worried for themselves because they don’t want their daughter talking to a guy or whatever, as much as it’s them worrying about their family name and people talking and becoming part of a gossip mill,” he says.

To combat this, Shahzad Younas, founder of Muzmatch, incorporated various privacy settings within the app, allowing people to hide their pictures until the match gets more serious and even allowing a guardian to have access to the chat to ensure it remains halal.

But no app setting can stop the gossip mill.

Like many Muslim women, Ileiwat has chosen not to wear the hijab, but that has not saved her from glares and stares if she’s out in public with her boyfriend. Because of the prohibition on premarital sex, older Muslims often frown upon any visible interaction between unmarried young people, no matter how innocent. This can sometimes lead to assumptions that two individuals of the opposite sex who are just hanging out have an inappropriate premarital relationship. “I think a lot of older people are under the assumption that all premarital communication between the opposite gender equates sex. Which is ridiculous, but it makes for a juicy story,” Ileiwat says, adding that even some of her younger married friends are subject to the gossip mill.

But the fear of gossip and the older generation’s fear of sexual relations between young men and women have made the concept of dating more intriguing for younger Muslims. Using the word dating to describe relationships has resulted in a schism between older and younger generations. Hodges says children pick up the popular vernacular from peers, leading to a barrier between what children say and how parents understand it. Because of this miscommunication, many couples instead use words like “togetherness” and “an understanding” as synonyms when talking to their parents about their relationships.

Hodges refers to this gap as “that ocean between England and America,” where words might be the same, but the way they are perceived is vastly different. Mia, a 20-year-old Ethiopian-American college student who has shied away from having sex with her boyfriend of almost a year, can attest to this. “The idea of dating, to my mom, is basically haram. I like to use the word ‘talking’ or ‘getting to know.’ A lot of people in the Muslim community don’t like to use words like ‘girlfriend,’ ‘boyfriend,’ or ‘dating.’ They prefer to use things like ‘understanding,’ or ‘growing together,’ ” she says. But words, especially those borrowed from other places, soon take on the cultural contexts in which they are used. “Dating” has only recently seeped into young Muslims’ everyday vernacular, so it may be a while before it takes on the local contexts within which it is used.

“If people realize that dating is simply a normal thing that has been around for centuries everywhere, that you don’t need to learn it from movies, then people start to see it as something independent of physical [acts]. Physical relations are simply a choice,” says Taimur Ali, a senior at Georgetown University’s Qatar campus.

The current generation “really wants to have the [dating] experience without having the full extent of the experience,” Arian says. But perhaps, he suggests, young Muslims need to develop something for themselves that is “more rooted in our own moral sensibilities.”

First published at NPR